New Jokes
Where do you learn to make pyrohy?
Pyrochial school
What do you call someone who steals corn?
crook-u-rooza
Submitted by Taras Szczur, New York
Good Joke
Why are Ukie women so strong?
Answer: From raising dumb bells!
At the last Olympics an athlete was asked: "are you a pole vaulter?"
He replied: "no, I'm Ukrainian!"
Submitted by Bill Bogutski
What is a pea cup?
Answer (must be said in Ukie accent): "Nu, dat's small truk wid open bek, from fort or shevvi."
Submitted by John Zubal
Ukie Joke
An Ukrainian immigrant goes to the Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for a driver's license.
He has to take an eye test. The clerk shows him a card with the letters:
C Z W I X N O S T A C Z
"Can you read this?" the clerk asks.
Read it?" the Ukrainian replies, "I know the guy."
Ukrainian pierogies
An elderly Ukrainian man lay dying in his bed.
While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the
aroma of his favourite Ukrainian pierogies wafting up the stairs.
He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.
Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and
with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled
downstairs. With laboured breath, he leaned against the door frame,
gazing into the kitchen.
Where if not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in
heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were
literally hundreds of his favourite pierogies.
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted
Ukrainian wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy
man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table,
landing on his knees in a crumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the
wondrous taste of the pierogies was already in his mouth, seemingly
bringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand
trembled on its way to the pierogies at the edge of the table, when it was
suddenly smacked with a wooden spoon by his wife......
"Back off!" she said, "They're for the funeral."
In America, "C" on the water faucet means cold, "H" means
hot.
In Western Europe, red means hot and blue means cold.
In Ukraine, blue is "voda" and red is "nema."
Submitted by Prof. Roger Kovaciny of St. Sophia Seminary, Ternopil, Ukraine.
I handed the conductor 50 kopeks on the Ternopil trolley.
She took it and turned away. "Where's my change?" I said.
"Haven't got any," she said. "You'll have to ride two more
stops."
Submitted by Prof. Roger Kovaciny of St. Sophia Seminary, Ternopil, Ukraine.
Reagan tells Gorbachev that in our country we are free. Why, he said, in our country people can stand outside the White House and yell "Down with Reagan" and nothing happens to them. Gorbachev tells Reagan that's nothing. In their country, people can stand outside the Kremlin and yell, "Down with Reagan" and nothing happens to them either!"
From Barbara Bush's book "Reflections". Told by Gorbachev to President Bush and Barbara Bush on one of their visits.
A Russian wanting bread waited in a queue for so long that he announced that he was leaving and was going to kill Gorbachev. After a while, he showed up again. When asked if he had killed Gorbachev, he replied, "No, the wait in that line was much longer than here."
The two above jokes were from Barbara Bush's book "Reflections". Told by Gorbachev to President Bush and Barbara Bush on one of their visits. Pretty funny!
Please send us your funny Ukrainian jokes and we will publish them here.
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